Navigating Relationships during COVID-19
By Ina A. Ramos, Ph.D.
Senior Technical Associate, The MayaTech Corporation
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected the everyday lives of people worldwide. The pandemic has highlighted the fragility of the supply of food and everyday household products and resulted in the unfortunate massive loss of life. It has ultimately changed the ways in which we live, work, travel, worship, study, conduct business, and manage relationships.
Many relationships, whether work, education, romantic, familial, or friendship, were disrupted due to the pandemic. Essential workers were faced with the demand of addressing this public health emergency and maintaining their own self-care. Many employers were forced to close doors to their physical location and maintain productivity while employees managed working from home and creating a balance for their home life schedules. Many educational institutions closed their campuses and scrambled to pivot to virtual learning. Some families found themselves managing space constrictions and the need to support the virtual learning requirements for children while others battled the social isolation caused by the spreading pandemic. Many romantic relationships suffered due to the lack of seeing one another or from being thrust into a living situation too soon. And friendships became strained as many suffered in silence, as that "strong friend," from fear of the looming unknowns regarding this new pandemic.
As the world continues to use and rely on technology as our primary connector, effective communication is more important, now more than ever. Whether you are embarking upon a new job or relationship, maintaining friendships, or peeling back layers of family issues as we “stay safe at home,” the ability to communicate with others has emerged to be of utmost importance.
Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it...it dies!” –Tony A. Gaskins, Jr.
Thrive Global, an organization focused on unlocking human potential by ending the stress and burnout epidemic through sustainable, science-based solutions, engaged their community, who offered 10 commuication tips to their younger selves. You can read their stories, 10 Tips We’d Give Our Younger Selves About Communication. We hope you enjoy reading the MFPCC’s take on these helpful communication tips!
- Give yourself permission to speak up – "Closed mouths don’t get fed!" – Unknown
If you have needs that you aren’t communicating, you cannot expect them to be met. This pandemic is new territory for everyone, so don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for what you need from your employer, academic advisor, partner, family member, or friend. Also, don’t shy away from sharing your opinion, especially during discussions about decisions that impact your well-being during the pandemic! - Ask for clarification – "If you’re not sure, ask!" – WorkSafe Victoria
While this slogan was used in a 2013 ad campaign around workplace injuries, the message is very simple, don’t be afraid to ask questions. It never hurts to make sure you have a shared basis of understanding with the person you’re communicating with. You can try rephrasing your understanding of the discussion into your own words or asking for further explanation just to be sure. - If you get a frustrating text or email, don’t respond right away – "There is power in pausing and wisdom in waiting." – Buddha
You just received a devastating email or text from your advisor, what do you do? You probably want to shoot back a quick reply in the midst of your meltdown, afterall it’s going to impact your graduation! But what you should do is step away from the computer or phone to gain your composure. Read the message again, think it through, and try to determine the best course of action. Once you’re able to compose your response, have someone else review it before sending. And remember, it’s okay to acknowlege the message and request a time to discuss the message verbally at a later date. - Be mindful of who you’re talking to – "Great communication begins with connection." – Oprah Winfrey
Have you ever attended a lecture or presentation and felt the message fell flat? While there may have been a dynamic speaker or good content, there was no connection or engagement between the speaker, the content and the audience. With the increased reliance on videoconferencing and zoom fatigue, as a presenter, it’s more important than ever to take note of where any missed messages and connections occurred and work to improve it. When possible, include activities to engage your audience during presentations. Prior to the event, practice presenting to a small group and solicit feedback. It can also help to record and review your presentation and incorporate any feedback received as you make modifications. - Remember that emails can be misread – "Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean." – Stanley Behrman
While communicating with someone appears simple, it can ultimately become a very complicated process. The sender encodes and transmits a message and the receiver decodes the message and provides feedback. The problems arise when bypassing occurs, which is when the intent or context of the decoded message is misunderstood. Want a quick solution? Take a moment to employ tip #3 and tip #2 above, and if all else fails, pick up the phone! - Think about the impact of your words – "Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well." – Robin Sharma
There's an old adage you may remember from your childhood that goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As you matured into adulthood and experienced many milestones in life (matriculating through academic studies, experiencing the ups and downs of romantic relationships, becoming gainfully employed, etc.), you may have come to the opinion that the old adage is wrong. Words can indeed hurt you, and they may hurt a bit deeper and last longer when trying to navigate a global pandemic. So, if another fellow is down on themselves for not achieving their goal as planned, show them some grace, offer words of encouragement, or simply be a listening ear. And while you’re at it, be gentle with yourself as well! - Ask people how they’re feeling – "Success and all good things in life, start with a genuine concern for others." – Mike Vance
Three simple words, “How are you?” can mean a lot to someone when they’re struggling to hold it together. Though often times, the respondant may be afraid to unload the full gamut of emotions they’re experiencing, simply hearing the question can assure them they are not alone. Though this question may be asked in a variety of ways, "How are you holding up today?", "How's everything?", "What have you been up to?"", it's of utmost importance that you are prepared to listen with genuine concern for that person. -
Accept that you can keep some thoughts to yourself – "You don’t always have to say what’s on your mind. You can keep it to yourself for the time being. That’s called patience." – Art Hochberg
Sometimes sharing your thoughts and ideas can promote an environment of sharing and collaboration. There are also times to keep your thoughts inside, especially if they may be inconsiderate or intentionally hurtful to others. In any type of relationship, it’s important to consider the goals of what you’re attempting to communicate and the potential ramifications, both positive and negative. Be patient and take the time to ensure that what you say is necessary and respectful of both yourself and others. -
Avoid being passive aggressive – "Don't say maybe if you want to say no." – Paulo Coelho
Have you ever sent or received an email that included the phrase, “Per my last message” or “Reattaching for your convenience”? If so, you may have just engaged in passive aggressive communication. To avoid a misinterpretation of tone, it’s best to be direct in what you’re attempting to communicate in the most professional manner possible. So instead of saying "Reattaching for your convenience," which translates to "You should have opened the attachment the first time," try "Please review the attachment" as an alternative. Check out the following article for more advice on passive aggressive email communication. -
Remember that you don’t always have to be right – "It's better to be kind than to be right." – Anne Lamott
When you present yourself as always being right, you are also positioning other people as wrong. Because each individual’s worldview is cast through their own subjective lens, everything can’t be simplified into right or wrong. In fact, there can be two opposing opinions that can both be viewed as right. Imagine, you are a seasoned alum with ample years of academic and work experience, who can cite the various theories of addiction glibly. Your new mentee has their own theory based upon their 16 years of lived experience growing up, although not scientifically proven. Both theories are true! Although you "know" you’re right, you can still respect your mentee’s position.